The suddenly called Tuesday (January 12) press conference in the Serbian Government is a candidate for the scandal of the year. However, one should think carefully before putting any money on that, since our ruling politicians have demonstrated such talent for gaffes that one can never tell what may happen in the future. Therefore, in front of about hundred dumbfounded journalists, three deputy Prime Ministers, Dr. Vojislav Seselj, Dr. Milovan Bojic, and Dr. Ratko Markovic, overflowing with joy announced that the Serbian Government has "obtained a secret document of the American Central Intelligence Agency"(renamed for the occasion by Dr. Markovic as "Central Informative Agency", although Dr. Markovic is a professor at the Police Academy). The "secret document" was distributed to the journalists. It has four pages of text printed with a very large font, of the type used at the "IBM Selectric" typewriter. Only the first page is interesting: it bears a letterhead which says "The Central Intelligence Agency, The Balkan Institute" and a very messy CIA seal. Below the header, there is a top-secret classification and a warning about the consequences of the disclosure of the document's content. The document starts, again in a somewhat different font from the rest of the text, with the text "Washington, D.C., December 16, 1998".
THREE DOLLAR BILL: Jumping for joy, the three deputy Prime Ministers in the Serbian Government, began to interpret triumphantly that, hey, now the "masks have fallen" and it is clear who is a patriot and who a traitor and who is in trouble because "the secret CIA document" reveals financial links between foreign powers and domestic traitors. All of that naturally implies that the coalition government of SPS, JUL and SRS has been correct in spitting at everyone who disagrees with them, issuing scandalous, unconstitutional and unlawful decrees, and persecuting independent media, university professors and students. As Dr. Bojic said, carried with poetic inspiration and in a typical JUL style, full of metaphor in a moment of trivial exaltation and with a pronounced provincial accent [Dr. Bojic is from Montenegro], among other "the secret document" "confirms that all decrees, measures, and laws passed by the Serbian Government were correct; in our intuitive inspiration and with due consideration we enacted these measures in the interest of the people of this country..." In further discussion of the contents and significance of the "secret CIA document" doctors Seselj and Markovic gave their contribution. As could be expected, Dr. Seselj condemned as traitors the Alliance for Changes, Association of Judges, one judge in the Supreme and one in the Constitutional Court of Serbia, the group of economists G-17, and Boris Karajcic from the student organization "Otpor". The independent media, Alternative educational network, non-governmental organizations and other "traitors" were mentioned on the side. Dr. Seselj asserted that foreign professors invited to teach as part of the Alternative Educational Network (who were refused visas for entry into Yugoslavia) were "CIA agents who were planning to take part in subversive activities" in the field of physics and other natural sciences. Dr. Ratko Markovic developed the role of "foreign hirelings" and their significance based on the proposed sums of money in the "secret CIA document". Thus, it turned out that political parties, independent media and the University were the most dangerous ($10 million each), while trade unions, independent judiciary and electoral commissions were the least significant. Dr. Markovic felt a need to shrewdly guess why Kosovo is not mentioned in the "secret CIA document": CIA tried to hide its intentions! The deputy Prime Ministers refused to reveal how the Government had "obtained" the "secret CIA document", probably to protect its secret methods and "intelligence sources" in the very top of CIA and Clinton administration. Replying to the underhanded journalist's question - whether the Government will expel some American diplomats - the deputy Prime Ministers demonstrated genuine Serb generosity and declared that they do not care about vengeance, although they do expect more similar documents from the same sources.
A good-intentioned advice to the deputy Prime Ministers is: under no circumstances accept any more similar documents from the same source! Namely, the "secret CIA document" is a cheap, vulgar and clumsy forgery, of the kind referred to by Americans as a "three dollar bill".
THE, PLEASE: The stale lie with the "secret CIA document" was debunked as a forgery before the following morning. While the state-controlled and pro-regime television stations (especially BKTV; this will turn our to be very significant) hysterically bombarded the viewers with footage from the infamous press conference, the ordinary journalists studied the "secret CIA document". The results are very interesting. Thus:
After a search on the Internet, several journalists found out while searching for "Balkans Institute" that it existed in the past as a part of the US Institute of Peace, a very tame non-governmental organization. Now, within that NGO, there is the Balkans Working Group, which, as it turned out, is the author of the document presented proudly by the Serbian deputy prime ministers as a "secret CIA document". Soon afterwards, the journalists found the original document, that is "the original of the forgery": it is the recommendation of the Working Group of USIP to the American Government regarding the funds which should be invested into the advancement of democracy in Yugoslavia. The original document has a letterhead and logo of USIP, together with the phones, addresses, e-mail addresses and everything that should be there. At the end of the original, there is an additional page, which was cut off by the Serbian spy in CIA: there, the readers are asked to send their commentary to Ms. Kristine Herrmann; then it is stated that "the views expressed in this paper.. do not necessarily reflect the views of USIP, which does not advocate particular policies"; finally there are the Internet and e-mail addresses of the Institute and other contact information. All that cannot be found in the "secret CIA document" of our virtuous three deputy prime ministers, because it was cut off.
CHEAP SWINDLE: Journalists dug deeper. Before midnight, the author of the document, Daniel Serwer, a senior fellow of the Balkans Working Group was located. He stated for B92 that the "secret CIA document" is a forgery. Before that, B92 found CIA spokesperson, Ms. Anya Gelher. She confirmed that the "secret document" does not look like CIA documents and CIA does not have a "Balkans Institute". The American embassy in Belgrade called the "secret CIA document" a "bad forgery". What is even worse, it turned out that a USIP delegation has recently visited and toured Serbia and that its visit was organized by Braca Karic Company, chaired and founded by Bogoljub Karic, fourth deputy prime minister in the Serbian Government! God help us! What now? Drs. Seselj, Bojic, and Markovic, somehow obtained the "secret CIA document"; either they made it themselves, or someone gave it to them. If they produced it themselves, then they deserve to be prosecuted. If they ordered it from someone or if it was offered to them and accepted, then again they do not deserve anything better than to be fired and prosecuted. Namely, such a bad and clumsy forgery would not have worked anywhere else; in comparison with our deputy prime ministers and their executors, Ceda Mihajlovic, who tried to pass forged Serbian Secret Service "documents" to the Hague Tribunal, was a top scale artist. This unnecessary and unbelievable scandal and shame beg for a question: is there no one left in this state who can make a decent forgery or identify one? (this is definitely not an allusion to Jovica Stanisic and his recently fired coworkers from the Serbian Secret Service). If, God forbid, the Serbian Government "obtained" the "secret CIA document" by paying to someone for it, deputy prime ministers and doctors Seselj, Bojic, and Markovic, should return the wasted tax payers money from their own wallet. The Serbian Government, whose one member welcomes a delegation whose report will be declared by the other three deputy prime ministers a "secret CIA document" and used it as their "Protocols of the Elders of CIA" which are supposed to justify all of their past and future blunders, should resign or at least find out what has happened and fire its deputy prime ministers. This sad scandal testifies about panic and hysteria. This will not end well.