by Slavisa LEKIC
Hyper Montenegrins are today symbolically repeating the fate of the dinosaurs. Always fearing Greater Serb malice and dreaming about sovereignty, Montenegrin heirs of the bizarre prehistoric boulders feed on "Montenegrindom" to the verge of suicide. Swallowing, euphorically, all sorts of things and chucking it out without digestion, they have quickly "slurped" up all the reserves and are slowly and lazily crawling towards extinction. The appetite of that sort could not have been sated even by the official state nurturing.
Modernity: However, here and there, once in a while we hear from one of the surviving modern "dinosaurs" who survive thanks to some fascinating adaptability, quick reflexes, interesting customs and interesting sort of spiritual diet.
Jevrem Brkovic, for example!
"Fear of sovereign Montenegro has psycho-social basis in the fear of being deprived of Serbian pork and Vojvodina wheat," claims this former dissident, stateless person and voluntary exile. And a writer, of course. Where else but in the Montenegrin Literary Magazine (issue 23).
Calling on muses for inspiration, Brkovic composes a poem on digestive problems:
"Inferiority and lack of independence, in some Montenegrins, have become a religion."
Jevrem Brkovic does not stop there and, using his unsurpassed talent, calls for a boycott of foreign calories:
"For two centuries Montenegro was told, while it was under Ottoman rule, that it cannot live on its own, that Serbia, and before Serbia Turkey, were its fate, although Turkey was much more the Serbian than Montenegrin fate - starting with taxes for infidels and blood tax, to the right of first conjugal night and forced work on fields of Ottoman lords."
Therefore, the unspoken assumption is that under the Turks there was no pork nor wheat and Montenegrins survived. Therefore, why couldn't they do the same today?
The campaign for dietary changes and sovereign fasting (motto "forget about greasy pork and filling white bread") has been featuring on the pages of the Montenegrin Literary Magazine for a while now. This biweekly magazine, which describes itself as "magazine for literature, culture, art, science and politics" and is published in "Montenegrin, Serbian, Croatian and Bosnian language", in Podgorica, while the editor-in-chief, you've guessed it, is Jevrem Brkovic.
Skeletongram: Out of the fearful population terrified by greater Serb forays, and even more by traitorous attacks of "Belgrade Montenegrins", besides Brkovic, in the same issue 23, we can also hear from poet Janko Vusic, who starting with the headline "What are you doing with them?", is perplexed by certain imaginary "Belgrade Montenegrins".
"What are you doing in the capital, Belgrade, where you'll lose everything, including the faith of your ancestors, your Doclea [ancient Roman province located roughly at the same place as modern Montenegro], your suffering, which is reborn in the heaven, and directs Montenegro and sobers up the ignorant...?!"
At the end of the above quoted excerpt of a voluminous poem which condemns the traitor, we can find a lesson for those who don't want to change their dietary habits:
"...Serves you right, I told you so, I tell you so, you liar, you monster, you can now squeal, you can now howl, no one will care, serves you right...!"
The Montenegrin Literary Magazine does not only publish poetry. It offers space for individuals from other walks of life:
"Everything in Serbia may change, from princes, then kings, then governments and presidents, regimes and ideologies, but the hatred of Montenegro, obvious in all modes of Serbian press remains unchanged," journalist Rajko Cerovic "diets" and then, without explaining which "modes of Serbian press" he is talking about, wisely concludes, without a rime:
"It is not necessary to today put together anyone's bones, even though the 'paper army' of mad Serb journalism is not any less dangerous in 2001 than it was in 1908."
Normally, in the same issue, distinguished Branko Pavicevic, an academician no less, comes to the assistance of Brkovic, Vujovic and Cerovic:
"During the war in Kosovo some Milosevic's commanders for months kept Cetinje, Podgorica and other cities in Montenegro under siege. They aimed their artillery at them," the academician reveals an old secret which, immediately after a full-stop, connects with a striking thought, building on a striking example of honor and courage:
"Then (while Montenegrins were surrounded by Serbian cannons, author's remark) horrendous pictures of martyred Sarajevo appeared in the thoughts of many residents of largest Montenegrin cities. Montenegrin people will have a hard time forgetting the trauma of those days!"
Homosex: In his search for Mediterranean and European Montenegro, certain Borislav Jovanovic discovered "Sargasso" sea: "The sea that is a metaphor of space where various algae float, and enormous sea monsters grab every ship dragging it straight to the bottom".
Pilgrim Jovanovic, thank God, was not on any of these unfortunate ships in the Sargasso sea but continued with his research and fasting; he passed by a Minotaur and Pericles; he found the book of knowledge and almost ended up disappointed in his search:
"Just when I thought that I've found it (Montenegro, author's remark), it slips through my hands and its current otherness shines as a torchlight in my childhood."
From childhood towards death. Bozidar Bodo Bodganovic has died. In Montenegrin Literary Magazine there is an obituary on a whole page. The following sentences draw attention:
"Bobo Bogdanovic was among the first ones in the more recent times, and one of the better, and more convincing and reliable, who dared enter a very difficult fight for the return of Montenegrin name in its full brilliance and significance; so that again the honor and dignity of Montenegro is won; so that we again have Independent and Sovereign state Montenegro. Exactly that - to dare! Even when it is hard and when it is most difficult - that is the true price of success and progress."
Under the headline "Montenegrin-Serb relations and homosexuality", the Montenegrin Literary Magazine on the next page tackles a somewhat merrier topic. Natalija Krivokapic analyses the news published in Podgorica daily Dani that "the Montenegrin ambassador in the US lives in a relationship with a man from one of the former Yugoslav republics."
"It is totally clear that at issue here is unscrupulous struggle against Montenegrin independence, and the ambassador is under attack as a symbol of that independence," Natalija concludes, but does not explain how that is related to Serbs and Serbia. Unless the man who is close to the "Montenegrin ambassador" is from Serbia, which implies that Serbia is already described as one of the former Yugoslav republics.
Where they are weakest: Objectively, after one reads the "dictionary of stupidity" (column "Fjaka Montenegrina" by Nevenka F. Brajkovic; Montenegrin Literary Magazine, issue 23) which discusses humiliation, that "horrendous threat for Montenegrins", Montenegrins totally have the right to be angry with their brothers from Serbia:
"It is not by chance that the brotherly occupiers during the white terror in 1918 pushed roosters and terrified cats into the underpants of distinguished Montenegrins. They did the same to Montenegrin women. Physical suffering was not enough, they wanted to break Montenegrins where they are the weakest."
Ms Nevenka F. Brajkovic (Writer? Artist? Scientist? Politician? The author wonders) did not explicitly explain where is it that Montenegrins are the "weakest" (one hopes not in their underpants, author's remark), but she decidedly defends "the current leader of Montenegrins" and the President who is now "the chief obstacle to attempts to do a quick job of Montenegrins and stick the rest of the dirt under the shirt."
"How deep have we sunk, Montenegrins! Once upon the time three empires demanded the head of the usurper and we refused to comply; then the Great Russian Empire demanded that we give up Petar the first, and we said no. And now we let them overthrow our President who has brought us to the doorstep of our own state!"
Before demonstrating the method of the showdown, Nikola Djonovic offers to the readers of the Montenegrin Literary Magazine a part of his almost family secrets. Therefore, he gets a phone call from an American city from his "cousin Djordje, also known as George". George wants to know "what your politicians are doing?" Before Djonovic has time to say anything, George, also known as Djordje, throws out his punch line: "They are either protecting those who work against Montenegro or are stupid!"
At this point Djonovic reaches an epiphany and is thoroughly moved:
"...Bullies are unmontenegrinizing this people without hindrance by repeating that we are Serbs, that our history is the Serb history, that our rulers are Serb rulers, that our church is the Serb church, that our culture is the Serb culture, our language the Serb language. Enough of this Serb itch, screw your comb."
Wow! Of course, there are more contributions in this kitchen; more "dinosaurs" who survive thanks to their specific diet; more of those who want to leave "a prison and sit at [their] own table".
Fortunately, their fertility is close to that of eunuchs in harems.
I mean, it's not really significant.