by Ljubisa STAVRIC
MOTHER, RADE AND I: Rade and I were very young when we met. He had just graduated from the military academy and Cakovec was his first post. He was born in the village of Krusevica, a poor mountain village on the border between Trstenik, Levac and Temnica. Every day he traveled six kilometers to the nearest school in Krcin; when he finished the fourth grade the teacher told his father that Rade should continue his education as he was very smart. Since his family was very poor, his father enrolled him in a military high school. In 1935 he was appointed to his first post with the 8th Cavalry Regiment, at the time stationed in Cakovec.
It was a high school dance, on March 7, 1936. A young man approached me and asked me for a dance. I was almost 18 at the time, he was 22. I asked him where he was from, and he told me, almost immediately, "listen miss, I was born literally in a stable!" I was from a wealthy family, Kelmen, and I found that unfathomable. He said - you know, every month I send half of my salary home, and in five years, when I get the permission to marry, my family will live in a real house! Winters here are very cold and officers are allocated two meters of wood, but I never use them. I sell the wood and send the money to my family.
For me, all of that was like a fairytale. Then I asked him - what's your father's name? - Miroslav. - And your mother's name? - Tijana. I said, when I get a daughter, I'll name her Tijana! I came home from the dance and told my mother - today I met a boy who is my soulmate! She said - what does he have, may God be with you? I said - he is proud of his poverty!
Rade asked me what I was doing the following day. I said I was going to visit a friend in Varazdin, like every other week. I told that to my mom, and she waited for me at the train station when I came back from Varazdin. I asked - Mom, why did you come this time? You've never done that before? - Because I knew that this young man would come. Rade stood by a big chestnut tree waiting for me. And we've never been apart since then. I knew that he was a part of my fate.
Now, you know, I was from a patriarchal family. My father was extremely strict. I was a minor still, and was afraid that my father would send me to Budapest, to stay with our relatives, if he found out about Rade. That had already happened to my elder sisters. Whenever my father did not like their chosen boyfriends, he would send them to Budapest and arrange marriages there. But my mother said - No. He won't do the same with you! And, just imagine, for five years my mother and I took walks together with my boyfriend. She did not understand a word of Serbian, he did not know a word of Hungarian or German. I translated for them for five years. What did he say? What did she say?
OFFICER OR PEASANT When in February 1940, a society woman pointed out to my father that his daughter was very skinny, the father came home and asked the mother whether I was seeing a Serb. She told him - ask her, she is old enough to explain. The father called me in and told me that my affair with Rade was out of question, that the shame would force him to kill himself by jumping through a window. I said - I'll open it for you right away! I'll marry him, whatever happens! The next day my father rushed to see our rabbi and told him that his home had been disgraced. My daughter wants to marry a goyim!! The rabbi said - Mr Kelmen, we've been watching your daughter and that young man for five years already and we did not want to tell you as we wanted to try to avoid a scandal. Listen, Hitler is already close, perhaps she will stay alive!? Go home and invite that young man! Attorney Dr. Schwartz, head of the Jewish community, lived in the same house. He agreed with the rabbi. He said - he is a very nice young man and all of us knew that they were seeing each other! My father came home and told me to invite Rade. It was Sunday, I ran to the barracks - Rade, my father wants to see you! My father stood by the fireplace. Rade, he had such good manners, knelt in front of my father and kissed his hand. My father was shocked, an officer kneeling in front of an elderly Jew and kissing his hand?! Tell him that I'll give him anything he wants, just have him get up! Then the father told Rade that he was willing to let me marry him and the news spread like fire in the small town - Kelmen agreed to let his daughter marry a Serb!!! But the Jewish laws had already been enacted! Yugoslavia had signed a non-attack agreement with Germany, and they in return demanded that Yugoslav authorities take certain measures against Jews. Some of the measures were a ban on marriages between officers and Jewish women and a limit on the number of Jews allowed to attend schools. My father asked - Rade, what are we going to do now? - I can only be an officer or a peasant, I don't know anything else! The father said - If I agreed to let you marry her, I'll go all the way!
IN WHITE SANDALS Rade told his superiors that he was about to marry a Jewish woman and was immediately sent to Skopje [in Macedonia, hundreds of miles away from Cakovec], as a punishment, as he was soiling the honor of a Yugoslav officer! The mother and I went to Skopje to see him. He said that he had spoken with the military Eastern Orthodox chaplain about his problems, and that he needed a document. Rade offered 5,000 dinars for a birth certificate. The military chaplain agreed, told him to find the biggest drunkard among officers he can, and to bring him to the Slava church where he served every Sunday. He did that, invited a cavalry officer with us to the Slava church and promised to buy him a drink if he was willing to sign something for us. The military chaplain waited, his name was Komlenovic, a Montenegrin, and gave me a birth certificate. He did not even know that there was no such a thing as an Eastern Orthodox Jew, so my Rade had to fix that.
He told me and my mother - now go to Stalac, my father will wait for you at the train station. He will take you to see my family and our poverty. Really, my father-in-law waited for us, in full Serbian folk costume. He helped us into a carriage, we took off towards Krusevac, but after Krcin there was no road; we rode along a creek bed, the carriage was bouncing from one rock to another and my father-in-law told me - daughter, get off and help me push, so that your mother does not fall off! I had white sandals and high heels, but I got off, it did not bother me. And my mother, from the carriage, in Hungarian - where did you bring me, to the bottom of hell! We arrived in the village, women got together, the word had spread that Rade's bride had arrived. One woman brought three walnuts, another one two sugar cubes, third one two eggs... One woman brought a chicken. They were feeling me up and commenting - is he really marrying this one? She can't do any work! Gentlemen marry women only for fun! My mother, a lady with a hat, asked my mother in law where the toilet was. She said - you can to it in the garden! We arrived back home after three days spent in the village of Krusevica. The mother explained to the father - there is nothing there, no signs, no road, just a mountain! - Good, then Germans won't go there! - my father concluded. We could hide there and survive the war. He started sending boxes to Krusevica - Persian rugs, mom's fur coats, porcelain plates...
MINISTER'S ORDERLY Rade went to see the commander of the cavalry, General Nedeljkovic and said - General, five years ago I promised to marry a girl and now intend to file for a permission to do so! - Panic, you are aware that that is not allowed?! - General, do you want to have an honest man in the Army, or a dishonest officer!? If you approve my request, I'll stay with the Army, but if you refuse, I'm returning to my village! Even before General Nedeljkovic made his decision, we had heard of a general who was also an assistant to the Minister of Defense. We contacted him and he promised to get the Minister to sign the permit. He asked for 50,000 dinars. We were to bring the money to the pharmacy on the corner of Takovska St. and wait there. If the minister signed, he was supposed to phone us and we would leave money behind and go to pick up the document. If it did not happen, we were not going to see him again. He phoned, we came in front of the Ministry building, and he told us to get married right away, before someone noticed that something was wrong.
We rushed to the Voznesenska Church and begged to be married right away. We found two witnesses, two officers and got married the following day, at five in the morning. And that was that. Everything was legal, no one could question it at that point. My Rade went to the barracks - Hallo Panic, what is going on with you? - I got married! - Who did you marry? - Eva Kelmen! - How did you marry her!? Rade went to see General Nedeljkovic and said - General, I got married and my wife does not want to live in Skopje! - And what do you want? - I want to teach at the Zemun Cavalry School! - Agreed. I want an honest officer at the Cavalry School!
We found a room across the street from the school and searched for an apartment. My father told Rade - all of my daughters had large dowry, what do you want? - I don't want anything! If my salary is not enough for your daughter, you should give her an allowance. In any case, I used to send half of my salary home. Then, my mother and I chose a nice two bedroom apartment in the new part of Zemun and furnished it really nicely. It was December 1940, my family visited for Christmas. We invited my father in law, Miroslav, to see how his son lived. The father said that he would pay rent, butcher bills and groceries. After five years of fear and everything, it seemed like paradise to us. Every day I would wait for Rade in front of the school, when his classes were over. We would have a dinner at "Russian Lyre" or "Ero Gourmet", then go see a movie... Unfortunately, that lasted only three months. Then, the war started.
TRAVEL PERMIT On April 5 I called my father in the afternoon. He said - why aren't you in Krusevica, as we agreed? War is going to start tomorrow or day after tomorrow! My friend Vera Mestrovic and I went to the square "By Milanovic's". We were young and foolish. I said - Vera, we have to go home, it's dark and there are no buses going to Zemun. Belgrade was dark, soldiers were crossing the Zemun bridge. Vera approached a sailor and said - I am a wife of a Navy officer, follow us! And that's how we got home.
The following morning we witnessed the bombardment of Belgrade. The sky was black. At seven o'clock a local German man rang the door; three days earlier he had painted our fence and sang "Sentry on Rein". Rade told him - no singing of Nazi songs in front of my house! - I'll sing whatever I want! - You won't! Rade slapped him twice. At seven in the morning on April 6 [the day of the bombardment], he was in front of our door with a gun in his hand - Get out, officer whore! Fortunately, he did not know I was Jewish. Vera had slept at my place. We put on our coats and went straight to the Cavalry School, to see the commander. I said - a German forced me out of my apartment. - Mrs Panic, you can stay with us. They set up mattresses for us and we spent the whole day there. The next day, at four in the morning, they woke us up. We had to leave and move to their wartime position in the village of Jajinci, south-east from Belgrade. I started complaining, as I hadn't had anything except the clothes on my back. They refused to wait, loaded us on trucks and we left. I was hoping to at least get money and my mom's jewelry. But, nothing, everything stayed behind. They unloaded us in Jajinci. The trains were not running, and we simply started on foot towards Krusevica. A storm started, rain, snow, sleet, and we were wearing summer shoes. We traveled for a few days to Krcin, where they gave us opanci [Serb traditional leather footwear], and we finally reached Krusevica. It was terribly cold. There were no men at home. The father-in-law had been mobilized, to help the military haul cannons with his oxen.
We had 50 kg of corn and two kilos of lard at home, all extremely precious. We were hungry, cold, it was horrible. I did not have money, clothes, I was wearing whatever my mother-in-law gave me, hemp shirts. My father in law and Rade's brother came back. Lists of prisoners and dead were published. Rade's name was not on any of the lists. He had gone on April 4 to his wartime position in the town of Bijeljina [in north-eastern Bosnia]. I told my father-in-law - I'm going to go look for him! - have you gone nuts, daughter? You are Jewish. Have you seen German posters?! You have no documents, nothing? - And if I got documents, would you come with me? - I promised your father to take care of you! Of course I'm not going to let you go on your own! I went on foot to Varvarin, to see the German regional commander and approached him in perfect German. I told him that I was a Hungarian woman, married to a Serb, and that I did not want to live in Serbia anymore. I asked him to give me a travel permit, so that I could join my parents in Hungary. He was taken aback. He said - madam, this is a desert, no one speaks a word of German, I am lost here. It is such a wonderful experience to be able to talk to someone in German, I'll give you anything you want! I said - you know, my father-in-law won't let me travel on my own, why don't you add his name as well? - Alles fur Sie! Everything for you! Eva and Miroslav Panic... a swastika, stamp. I came back to Krusevica and said - Look, I have a travel permit!
DIAMOND RING I put a small gun my father had given me in my waistcoat. He said, don't let them put a yellow band on you, don't let them take you to a concentration camp! My father-in-law put on his Serbian folk costume, for special occasions, and we went through hills all the way to Belgrade. He knew all the mountain trails. On the way we slept in small huts, used to keep sheep during winter. At dusk, we arrived in front of a pontoon bridge (Zemun bridge had been destroyed). A German military column was crossing the bridge. A curfew was about to start in Belgrade. I saw a car with a Hungarian flag. I ran in front of the car and shouted - pick me up! Pick me up! The car stopped and took us to Zemun. In Zemun, we came in front of the apartment. We could see German uniforms drying in windows. On the door there was a red note: Beschlagnahmt! - occupied. We were sitting on a lawn, in front of the house, watching the lights in the apartment and listening as they were smashing my crystal glasses. Soldiers and whores. The father-in-law said - what now? - Now at night, we can't do anything, We'll go on in the morning, towards Croatia. I'll to all the way to Germany if necessary. I must find him. I can't live without Rade. It was after midnight. I remembered a Russian woman we had known before the war. Perhaps Verocka knew what had happened with Rade? We went to her window. I whispered her name, and I almost stepped on a man, lying in the dark. That was my Rade. He had arrived a bit earlier, crawling. He had been captured by Ustashe and jumped from the second floor of a high school building in Bjelovar. Since he had an ulcer operation recently, one of the stitches on his belly burst open. Holding his intestines inside, he pulled himself through Slavonian forests for a month. But, Germans were in our apartment. Then, he also came to Verocka's window. Had I been delayed by a day only, they would have caught him. I pulled him to my father-in-law and said - I've found him, We're going back to Serbia [Zemun was part of the Independent State of Croatia in WWII]. At about half past one we saw German soldiers and whores leaving through the gate. It was dark in the apartment. I said - It's my turn! I went inside with the gun in hand. There was no one inside. I told my father-in-law to come to the window on the other side of the building and started throwing things outside. I still have my bedding from the Zemun apartment. The father-in-law tied bedding and blankets together, we stuffed clothing in six suitcases. The money was gone, but I found my mother's jewelry. I had hidden it in a box, inside the pantry.
At five in the morning we reached the pontoon bridge with our things. A farmer with a carriage and oxen train came by. I offered him some silverware to take us across the bridge, with a wounded man. He took us to the Zeleni Venac market. I went to the first café bar and said - I give a diamond ring for a horse and carriage! I have a wounded man, I must move him! Peasants said - Madam, for that ring, we'll give you two horses. One man gave me a horse and a carriage. We loaded Rade and our things. We started towards Krusevac. I told my father-in-law that we were going to wait for the nightfall before reaching the village. No one was to know that Rade was at home. We hid him in a small room, and my mother-in-law treated him with herbs. No one else knew he was there until he got better. He started walking after about two months.
SISTER'S CHILD Sadly, my parents died in Auschwitz. The Independent State of Croatia was proclaimed immediately after the beginning of the war. Thus, they could not cross over to Serbia and come to Krusevica. Cakovec was occupied by Hungarians. They lived quietly until 1944 when Nazis took over from Horti. Arrests of Jews and transportation to concentration camps started immediately.
We've just taken pictures of the furniture my father sent early in the war. A huge cupboard with a mirror, a sofa, antique furniture, in jugend style. All of that is still being kept by my relatives. My father rented a train car and sent everything. My father-in-law and I went to pick them up, we needed two carriages. Rade was hiding in the village. We were afraid that Germans would take him away. I went everywhere with my father-in-law. We went to Belgrade several times. There, in front of "Bristol" hotel, I met the Ustashe commander of Zemun. Namely, he was a Ustashe colonel, and before the war he was an officer in Cakovec. We knew him and his wife was Jewish. My father told his wife that he would shelter her if he got in touch with me. Every two months I would come in front of "Bristol" hotel, and he came in a boat, wearing plain clothes. He promised to bring my sister's child. My sister had gone with my marriage certificate (Eva Panic, a Serb) from Zagreb to Budapest. Her six-year-old son was with my family in Cakovec. I asked them to send him, but my mom complained - there are no toilets and bathrooms there, even you have louse! I can't send him there! What would he do? - He'll watch sheep, like all the other kids. And he'll survive! Sadly, my mom did not send the boy, and he died in Auschwitz.
This is the first part of a two-part article