Feral Tribune Invites you to Fair, Free and Democratic Elections for

SHIT OF THE YEAR 1999

Feral Tribune, Split, Croatia, December 6 1999

As in the past, we selected 20 most serious candidates for the prestigious trophy - Golden Bukalin [night dish] for the Shit Of The Year 1999 based on the votes of our readers - which will be handed to the winner at a tasteful award ceremony, held in Hotel "Sheraton". On that occasion the remaining valuable night dishes will be given to all the remaining winners, whom the committee of Feral's experts decides to reward by one of the annual awards for achievements in numerous categories of human and all-Croatian thought.

You are expected to send your choice of the Shit Of The Year to the well known address: Feral Tribune (za SHIT OF THE YEAR), Setaliste Bacvice 10, 21000 Split, Croatia. You can also send your votes via fax (+385 21 34 32 90), e-mail (info@feral.hr) or via Internet (www.feral.hr)[to participate send an e-mail to info@feral.hr; include the number of the proposed shit you're voting for, your name and address; you may want to mention if you do not want to participate in the prize drawing (since, for example, you don't understand Croatian)]. Of course, besides hereby offered shits, we shall also acknowledge write in votes for any burst of populist and anti-populist wisdom published in the section Greatest Shits during 1999. We shall add up your votes until December 30 1999, when we shall also perform our traditional drawing for prize winners [prizes are free yearly subscription to Feral Tribune and books published by the paper's publishing company]. You'll be able to read the results of the voting and names of winners on your way to the voting booths on January 3 2000.

1. The division on elderly and young is a pure fabrication of the Socialists.

   Zlatko Canjuga in an interview to Sportske Novosti, January 1999

2. During NDH [the Independent State of Croatia, WWII pro-Nazi puppet state] all those who were against that state were, naturally, state enemies. Therefore, it certainly makes sense that these enemies were imprisoned and executed.

   Fr. Vjekoslav Lasic in an interview to Novi List, February 1999

3. Water is slippery and resilient. That's why it is not fragile.

   Branka Separovic in TV show "Akvarel" on HTV, February 1999

4. I demand, I command, that the number of bomb attacks and arson attempts be reduced.

   MA. Ivan Penic, the Minister of Internal Affairs [Police], at a press conference held in the Police Administration for Osijek-Baranja County, February 1999

5. Tycoons [Croatian robber barons] are not responsible for the crisis in the state. Lazy workers should be blamed instead.

   Josip Gucic, a tycoon, in an interview to Jutarnji List, February 1999

6. You did not say that I was not supposed to laugh.

   Dinko Sakic, replying to judge's order to stop laughing during the testimony of a Jasenovac concentration camp survivor about bestial crimes committed in the camp, during the trial in the County Court in Zagreb, March 1999

7. If Tudman told me to put Zlatko Canjuga [pudgy HDZ official] in the [national soccer] team for the match against Yugoslavia in Belgrade, I would do it.

   Miroslav Ciro Blazevic [coach of the Croatian national soccer team] on TV Palma Plus, March 1999

8. Entry to my cellar is forbidden to dogs, cats, women, Serbs and Jews.

   Marinko Liovic, president of HVIDRA [organization of Croatian war veterans from the "patriotic" war against the Serbs], in the radio program "Nedjeljni Cuspajz" on Radio Slavonija, June 1999

9. Nothing in the contemporary Croatia has failed as badly as Croatian propaganda - the people are convinced that they live in poverty!

   Fr. Anto Bakovic in Narod, June 1999

10. One of the foreigners who were active in supporting dissidents in Communist countries told me this: "You know, professor general", that's what they called me during the eighties, "If you were not a Croat, you would have won the Nobel prize by now!"

    Franjo Tudman in an interview to Croatian TV, June 1999

11. The reasons for HDZ's failure and SDP's victory can be explained by abstinence of our voters. They did not show up at the voting precincts because they did not want to vote for SDP.

    Ferdo Kurtovic, president of HDZ in Trogir, in Vjesnik, July 1999

12. I am disappointed by those Croatian defenders who attempt to commit suicide, because I think that those who went to the war to create a Croatian state, regardless of all problems, must not do that. That is not characteristic for our national being, our faith and I cannot justify such an action in any way.

    Anto Dapic in an interview to Vecernji List, July 1999

13. Croatian market is flooded by genetic, Serb tomatoes. These tomatoes, when cut in half, are green inside, while Croatian tomatoes are totally red.

    Marko Kopic at a press conference of HKDU [Croatian Christian Democrats], August 1999

14. May all those in Dubrovnik, County and Croatia who are happy about the arrival of the enemy be cursed. Damned be all those who trade, eat and drink with them and receive them to their homes without punishment. Damned be every person who forgives the enemy!

    Fr. Miljenko Babaic at a protect rally against the opening of the border crossing Ivanica-Brgat [with the Republic of Srpska and Bosnia-Hercegovina], August 1999

15. You are not orphans, because the Croatian state has taken the place of your fathers.

    Jadranka Kosor on the occasion of the opening of the "Meeting of Children of Fallen Defenders and Policemen, Cavtat '99", August 1999

16. As every idiot cannot be a gentlemen, neither can every idiot be a soldier and be given the mission to kill if necessary. Every idiot cannot kill a man. That is the greatest degree of responsibility.

    General Ante Roso in an interview to Hrvatski Obzor, October 1999

17. Our policemen do not eat doughnuts, because jam would leek out and stain their uniforms.

    Josko Moric, deputy Minister of Internal Affairs [Police], in Vecernji List, October 1999

18. "Hleb" ["Serb" word for bread] is still on sale in stores in Vukovar, although it is also possible to buy "kruh" ["Croat" word for bread].

    Maja Alvir in Velebit, November 1999

19. You must be aware that no physician is prepared to state that president Tudman will not recover in two, three, or four months. HDZ would never accept something like that. One cannot treat like that the man who is the creator of this state and has been elected twice for the president of Croatia.

    Vladimir Seks, in Jutarnji List, November 1999

20. The Government would work in the same way if the president were alive.

    Dr. Vlatko Pavletic after taking over the duty of the acting president of the Republic, November 1999