by Predrag LUCIC
On March 27, early in the morning, a group of 20 US Marines entered the offices of the Koper Red Cross. Besides their main profession, these Marines were also active volunteers and collaborated with non-governmental organizations in humanitarian work. Legendary musician and sub-cultural icon Marko Brecelj attended their meeting with representatives of the local authorities and the Red Cross, as a translator. During the meeting, Brecelj suggested that some of the Marines visit with him the Youth and Cultural Center, otherwise known as one of the centers for alternative culture in the whole SCR (So Called Region). Brecelj told the Marines that they were going to visit the center, after which they were going to be proposed various modes for cooperation and they accepted the polite invitation. In the center they encountered a TV crew, which was supposed to record for posterity humanitarian deeds of the US Marines, so that the visit to the center was taped, as well as the international game of foosball. After the end of the game, Brecelj invited the Marines to the gallery “Mensa Nomero Due” where, as he informed them, they would participate in a performance…
In the middle of the gallery space, a door was laid on the ground. On the door, the famed underground poet Ivan Volaric Feo wrote Thank You, under which Brecelj added his But…. The door was quickly turned around to reveal the text We Refuse Your Help. Surprised well-meaning visitors from American war navy ships did not wait long for an explanation.
“I explained to those young soldiers,” explains Marko Brecelj, “that we appreciated their readiness to help us as humans, but that we could not accept assistance from an organization that is committing crimes all over the world. I told them to get ready to be ‘soft captured’… That meant that we, members of the Soft Terrorist Cell, were inviting them to join us and together visit the Recent History Museum, as we call our movie theater to see Mel Brooks’ movie “Blazing Saddles” and to have a meal with us afterwards. Marines, screw that, refused our proposal, left without saying goodbye and most likely told their commanders what had happened. To make everything even more amusing, upon leaving the museum, they saw a freshly sprayed graffiti saying Fuck Off Army! that had in the meantime been painted by one of our young anarchists. Soon the order that all Marines-volunteers be withdrawn came from the ships, and all sailors were banned from going to the town. Only the spy, their security officer, came to the town. And the police came to question me about our terrorist attack on US sailors”.
While Marko Brecelj explained to the police that the whole “violence” consisted of pulling the Marines in an act of art entitled “Marined Wednesday”, the local authorities were enraged by this naughtiness of the Soft Terrorist Cell. Apologies to the Marines followed, coupled with attacks on the Soft Terrorists. According to Brecelj, salon anti-Nato activists were at the forefront of these attacks. They criticized Koper Art-Qa’ida’s mockery of innocent sailors who, look, had come to help…
“There were so many attacks that I had to call a press conference. At the conference I admitted being a Serb agent, that Soft Terrorists were a gang, led by me, as an ideologue,” says Brecelj. “I also added that I was not sorry and that more serious actions were coming in the future”.
“Marined Wednesday” was only one in the series of actions carried out by the Soft Terrorist Cell since September 11. It started with an Airplane-cake in Ljubljana Philharmonics that targeted Slovenian Culture Minister Andreja Rihter. It continued with “suspicious mail for suspicious competition”, when Soft Terrorist at the peak of the anthrax hysteria put on their surgeon’s masks and packed their protests letters to the mentioned minister in the central post office. Ms Rihter provoked this terrorist action with her competition for state funding of cultural projects which was set up in such a way that only high-brow art institutions could fulfill the criteria for participation.
The bombardment of the US embassy and the Slovenian government building by paper planes was next, while later the police interrupted Marko Brecelj while he was writing the graffiti “Only Fools Want to Join NATO!” on the movie theater building located next to the city hall in Koper, which was only a part of the performance “Suonato Per La NATO!” (or, in a rough translation, “Only fools support NATO!”) which included whistling and cabbaging, i.e. bowling with cabbages.
And while Pentagon and CIA mostly issue fake alerts announcing new terrorist actions of bin Laden’s followers, in the case of Slovenian Soft terrorist, caution is absolutely necessary.
“Now that we’ve increased our self-confidence, as Serb agents we’re heading straight to Belgrade, where the Museum of Modern Art will confirm that we are good agents,” the leader of the Soft Terrorist Cell threatens. “Listen, for the first time since the seventies I have a feeling that our actions have some wider significance, because the current developments simply make no sense. NATO comes to Koper and everyone joins the nonsensical discussion whether the helicopters will disturb our sleep of innocents and pollute environment, but no one dares ask the real question: why is NATO here!?”
The pro-NATO authorities in Croatia are now facing a question: will the soft terrorism from Slovenia jump the undefined state border? And will the cabbages roll in Croatian streets and squares in the near future?