Hotel Shilton Welcomes Most Successful Shitmakers
And Bukalin Spins...
Feral Tribune, Split, Croatia, January 5, 2002
The award ceremony of Feral's Shit of the Year contest in the Ceramic Room of the hotel Shilton passed just like all the other mass gatherings in Croatia during year 2001 - peacefully and with dignity.
In the presence of a large number of state officials, church dignitaries, artists, distinguished individuals from the Police, military and show business, and discrete attendance of Smiljan Reljic, don Anto Bakovic celebrated winning his third chanpionshit in a row, which was beyond the reach of the mouth of even the greatest wizard of blabbering among Croats, late Dr. Franjo Tudman. With this achievement the president of the Croatian Democratic Movement and the greatest living shitmaker drew even with his idol in the number of the titles won, so that, provided God is merciful and secures sufficient contributions for the publishing of the magazine Narod and editors of Croatian media enough space for interviews, by the end of 2002 don Anto Bakovic could accomplish even the unfathomable - surpass Tudman and move to the top of the all time list of greatest shitmakers. Namely, only 48 shits separate don Bakovic from that sensational success, which is less than his usual yearly quota.
In the team competition the winner was, like last year, the Split daily Slobodna Dalmacija, which in the first three months of this year, under the editorial leadership of Josip Jovic, acquired significant advantage in shits with respect to other competitors, so that its new coach Drazen Gudic only had to routinely continue the job started by his suddenly fired predecessor to lead his team to a victory. The daily from Split has also taken the lead in the all-time team competition, far ahead of its flagging competition, Zagreb giants Vjesnik and Vecernji List.
Ivica Todoric, last year's winner of the Shit of the year title based on the votes of our readers, received the biggest applause when, passing the golden bukalin to his heir dr. Anto Kovacevic, he said: "Mr Kovacevic, in the name of dignity of this competition, I must tell you that God created you for shit, not for Tito."
As selected by the readers
SHIT OF THE YEAR, 2001
- Madame Pusic, in the name of dignity of this Parliament, I must tell you that God created you for sex, not to dispense wisdom.
Anto Kovacevic, president of HKDU, during a session of the lower chamber of the Croatian Parliament, October 2001. (334 votes)
- The attack on World Trade Center in New York clearly demonstrated whom we fought in Bosnia-Hercegovina.
Dr. Ivic Pasalic, representative of HDZ in the Parliament, during a round table discussion organized by the Croat Catholic Mission in Berlin, November 2001. (257 votes)
- It's not the same to kill a granny in peace and to kill a granny in war!
Petar Kacunko, deputy president of the Headquarters for Defense of the Dignity of Homeland War, in Vecernji List, February 2001.(240 votes)
As selected by the panel of experts
SHIT OF THE YEAR 2001
- The attack on World Trade Center in New York clearly demonstrated whom we fought in Bosnia-Hercegovina.
Dr. Ivic Pasalic, representative of HDZ in the Parliament, during a round table discussion organized by the Croat Catholic Mission in Berlin, November 2001.
- Madame Pusic, in the name of dignity of this Parliament, I must tell you that God created you for sex, not to dispense wisdom.
Anto Kovacevic, president of HKDU, during a session of the lower chamber of the Croatian Parliament, October 2001.
- I find it unacceptable that media try to influence public opinion.
Zlatko Tomcic, president of the Croatian Parliament and the HSS, in an interview in Novi List, October 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Humanitarian Issues
Were the camps for Bosniaks justified? From the ethical point of view, especially taking into account principles of the civic society, it is easy to say they were not. However, prisoners had to be kept somewhere. From the military, and even humanitarian point of view prisoner camps were absolutely justified.
Dr. Jadranko Prlic [former Minister of Foreign Affairs of Bosnia-Hercegovina and also the official in the Croatian Community of Herceg-Bosna government who signed the order to establish camps for Bosniaks during the Bosniak-Croat conflict], in Globus, August 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Tourism
The reason does not make us happy, but Croatian tourism could benefit from the crisis in America and the announced showdown with terrorists.
Niko Bulic, in Vjesnik, September 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Gotovina
- Ante Gotovina is a hero, and I am currently praying that he does not surrender, because he has no one to surrender to. He would surrender to those he fought against.
Bozidar Alic, in interview in Novi List, July 2001.
- Gotovina is not fleeing justice, because he is innocent. Those who persecute him are fleeing morality and justice.
Nenad Ivankovic, at an award ceremony for best books about war held in the Journalists' Hall in Zagreb, November 2001.
- The indictment of the Hague Tribunal against General Gotovina for the operation Storm is not only against Gotovina personally. It is also an attack on the USA.
Luka Misetich, in Vecernji List, July 2001.
Golden Bukalin for European Integration
Neither the Swiss nor Austrians are born naturally honest and responsible towards the state. They are actually deadly afraid of the state.
Dr. Mato Crkvenac [Minister in Croatian government], in Vjesnik, October 2001.
Golden Bukalin for the Roma Problem
Please, do not shout "Gypsy" at Mesic any more, because by doing that you offend thousands of honorable Gypsies all over the world. Mesic is worse than the worst Gypsy.
Marinko Liovic at a protest rally in Split, February 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Cardiology
Many wonder where Norac is. I believe that true patriots and believers know the answer. Regardless of his physical location, he is in our hearts, in our thoughts, in our prayers.
Fr. Marin Barisic, in a letter to the parents of Mirko Norac Kevo, February 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Zoology
I am sick of citizens of Europe and the world who do not care about their origin or about where they belong, while in my Slavonija every domesticated animal knows where it belongs and how to return home.
Krunoslav Kico Slabinac [nationalist singer], in Vecernji List, January 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Mathematics
Bosnjak is going one on one against three opponents...
Drago Cosic, during direct broadcast of the soccer match Mallorca-Hajduk on the HTV, August 2001.
Golden Bukalin for "I am not from here"
I did not know that the court had ordered that I be taken into custody, and that they had issued an arrest warrant for me.
Mirko Norac Kevo in front of the investigative magistrate in Rijeka, February 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Victimology
During Communism people were not allowed to be religious. What do you mean, it was not banned? You were not allowed to even buy a Christmas tree, let alone celebrate Christmas!
Maja Freundlich [vice-president of the HDZ], in Jutarnji List, December 2001.
Golden Bukalin for the Rule of Law
- It does not matter whether laws are good or bad, but whether they are respected.
Smiljan Reljic, in interview in Novi List, December 2001.
- If Franjo Tudman waited to get a permit for construction of the independent Croatia, who knows if he would have lived to see it!
Dubravka Suica [mayor of Dubrovnik, HDZ representative] about the announced opening of the bridge over Rijeka Dubrovacka without necessary permits, in a conversation with journalists, December 2001.
- The rule of law is not a holy cow.
Anto Djapic [head of the neo-Ustashe Croatian Party of Rights (HSP)] at a session of the lower chamber of the Croatian Parliament, February 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Geography
The whole world is today one big Medjugorje. Thus, if someone denies today Medjugorje, he denies Croatia! Medjugorje placed Croatia on the world map.
Fr. Tomislav Pervan, during a mass in Medjugorje church of St. Jakov, June 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Sexual Issues
- Men cannot turn their maleness into a business, while women can.
Dr. Slaven Letica, in Vjesnik, December 2001.
- Prostitution is the oldest profession and there are many justifications for it. I do support legalization of prostitution, but I oppose any mode of male prostitution, because that is so unnatural.
Vinko Coce, in Nedjeljna Dalmacija, December 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Patriotism
What do you want? The HDZ created the state, so who cares if they stole everything...
Miroslav Ciro Blazevic [famous soccer coach], in Nedjeljna Dalmacija, June 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Ballistics
Ahmici are such a confusing incident. Ah, who did that... People die even during weddings...
Janko Bobetko [retired General of the Croatian Army], in Jutarnji List, July 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Bosnian Question
- Tudman never demanded that Bosnia be divided. He only followed the international plans. As a leader of a small country, he could do nothing else. That is why he praised the western plans for the division of Bosnia-Hercegovina.
Dr. Andrija Hebrang [former HDZ Minister of Defense and Health, under Tudman], in interview in Slobodna Dalmacija, December 2001.
- Under Tudman, Croatia had the only possible policy with respect to Bosnia-Hercegovina.
Dr. Ivic Pasalic, at a round table discussion in Imotsko, November 2001.
- It's not my fault that two Croats from Zagorje managed to acquire a lot of land. First Tito, from Triglav to Djevdjelija, and then Tudman wanted to create greater Croatia. The bigger the better. We, Croats from Zagorje, like having a lot of land. It's in our nature. Tudman's idea will be realized sooner or later. I think that Bosnia-Hercegovina is a nice country and that it belongs to us.
Stjepan Adanic, in Nedjeljna Dalmacija, June 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Children's Literature
Ever since "Main Kampf" was published, we've been accused of promoting religious and racial hatred. I would like to see research that confirms that. With time, every book changes its meaning, as can be seen from the book "Uncle Tom's Cabin", which is today read as a book for children.
Dr. Franjo Letic, in Jutarnji list, November 2001
Golden Bukalin for Tolerance
- In 1972 we did no abolish Matica Hrvatska. We only banned its activities and transferred all of its property to the Yugoslav Academy of Arts and Sciences.
Josip Vrhovec [former Communist official], in interview in Globus, December 2001.
- This government has so far permitted too many public accusations on its account.
Zeljka Antunovic [Minister in the Croatian government], in Jutarnji list, November 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Cheap jewelry
Highway from Zagreb, through Zadar to Split, will soon become a necklace tied around the neck of our homeland.
Ingrid Anticevic-Marinovic, at the election conference of the SDP in Split, November 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Religious Issues
One newspaper commentator from Austria recently concluded in connection with the "war against terrorism" that the West lacks a "deeper dimension" of this struggle because - as he said - unlike suicide bombers, who blow themselves up for Allah, "we in the West have no faith". The old Tudman had that "faith", which the contemporary West lacks.
Carl Gustaf Strohm [pro-Tudman German journalist], in Hrvatsko Slovo, November 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Logic
- The next election will definitely happen.
Dr. Ivo Sanader [current president of the HDZ], in program "Forum" on the HTV, December 2001.
- Zagreb is the only biggest city in Croatia.
Marija Strajh, in program "Lizaljka" [lollypop] on the CCN, February 2001.
- Nations in Bosnia should separate to stay together.
Fr. Petar Krasic, in Jutarnji List, February 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Unanimous Support
I think that it is necessary to urgently call a presidential election and elect [Zdravko] Tomac for president.
Markica Rebic, in Danas, March 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Media Freedom
- This is not a threat, but a recommendation, to all journalists and radio and TV announcers, to respect those who created free Croatia, so that they do not soon complain about revenge. Now is the time to fight a battle for their own security.
Miroslav Zemljaric, in Slobodna Dalmacija, February 2001.
- We want to preserve certain national control over the media.
Zeljka Antunovic, in Novi List, June 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Patriotism
We became skinheads because we were too young to participate in the war, and too old to sit at home. During the war our patriotism developed, so that we had to take it out on someone.
Dido, a skinhead from Zagreb, in Vecernji List, March 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Croatian Issues
My father idealized the Croatian nation. Even though, when he had to look for concrete solutions, he had the habit of saying, almost with desperation: "So many people, but not a single true man!"
Dr. Miroslav Tudman, in Globus, February 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Philosophy
The Praxis group is a group of philosophers who packaged greater Serbian ideology in wisdom, by denying the importance of nationalism.
Dr. Marko Veselica, at a scientific conference "Croatian Spring" held in Zagreb, December 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Genetics
Somewhere in our genes, we carry a democratic tradition, and just a little bit more is needed for it to blossom into thousand flowers.
Zeljka Antunovic, at a round table debate of non-profit and non-governmental organizations, held in Zagreb, December 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Democracy
We must, if that is necessary and unavoidable, for a certain period accept some limitations of democracy, I dare say even some limitations of human rights, so that we can preserve human rights and democracy in the long term.
Stjepan Mesic, in a lecture delivered to the Royal Institute for International Relations in London, December 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Sailing
Albanians with forged passports would run from Macedonia by ship to Italy.[Macedonia is a landlocked country]
headline in Slobodna Dalmacija, April 2001.
Golden Bukalin for the Shit of The Year From Abroad
I should not be blamed for the war in Bosnia. On the contrary, I deserve credit for peace in Bosnia.
Slobodan Milosevic, in front of the International Tribunal for War Crimes in the Hague, December 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Good Manners
I went to see Gandhi, whose mother Indira had been killed. Two Sikhs came to see her and they said: "Madam, we are very sorry, but you offended our temple and that is why we shall now kill you!" Then, they bowed and killed her. They have such good manners, unlike us in Croatia.
Dr. Slaven Letica, in program "Nightmare stage" on the CCN, December 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Economics
- Given the world criteria and the structure of the gross national product, Croatia is actually a developed country.
Goranko Fizulic [Minister of Economy in the Croatian government], in Vjesnik, May 2001.
- Croatian economy is growing twice as fast as that of developed countries.
Dr. Mato Crkvenac, in Novi List, May 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Jewish Problem
Croats were never anti-Semitic, and in the NDH Jews were not killed by Croats, but by Nazis.
Dubravko Horvatic, at the promotion of the book "Jews and Croats" by Petar Vucic, May 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Public Relations
The better I treat you, the worse you behave, like true idiots!
Dr. Slaven Letica, in a conversation with journalists at a tennis tournament in Bol, May 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Judiciary
We have recently witnessed attacks on teachers who decided to fail their pupils. But, it is interesting that in this country no one has ever attacked a judge, even though they always deal with criminals.
Zeljka Antunovic, at a press conference, June 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Theology
Tudman and Susak are definitely in heaven, and they will pull some strings to make sure I also end up there, even though I do not deserve it.
Ljubo Cesic Rojs [HDZ representative in the Croatian parliament, representing Croats from Bosnia-Hercegovina], in Novi List, November 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Dalmatian Issues
Why did inhabitants of Dalmatia name dogs Dalmatians?
Sara, from Dalmatia
Residents of Dalmatia did not give them that name! But don't worry, it's easy to distinguish a man from Dalmatia, a dalmatian, and a Dalmatian, based on the capital letters!
From Blaz's mail in MAK (Small Koncil), November 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Marketing
Tudman is our Coca-Cola.
Nenad Ivankovic in Jutarnji List, July 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Hard Work
To wage a war is to work.
Ante Zorislav Roso [Croatian Army general], in Jutarnji List, September 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Gynecology
To make sure we don't have to wait for new Franjo for fifty years, let us get organized, let us go to Zagreb and there give birth to a new Franjo, and we shall have Croatia!
Andrija Bartulic, at a protest rally against the government's visit to Split, October 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Military Law
- I totally agree that individuals should be held responsible for murders, rapes, arson, but I cannot accept that such acts be qualified as war crimes. After all, is there such a thing as civilian in the war zone?
Luka Podrug [head of the Council for the Defense of the Dignity of the Homeland War], in Slobodna Dalmacija, July 2001
- The number of victims thrown in Jazovka ravine has been exaggerated immensely. And the investigators found only 240 skeletons. Could that be qualified as a war crime? No way, although it is not ethical to throw corpses into ravines.
Ivan Fumic [former Partisan fighter], in Vjesnik, October 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Entrepreneurship
The project of construction of highway Zagreb-Split can be compared with the American New Deal. Given the volume of investment increase, this is probably even a bigger project than the New Deal.
Radimir Cacic [Minister for Construction], in Nedjeljna Dalmacija, October 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Anti-terrorism
Instead of using the current favorable international political situation for affirmation of Croatia as a chief guarantor against international terrorism, the authorities in Croatia are systematically weakening Croatian military and police.
Dr. Branimir Luksic [Governor of Split County], in Hrvatsko Slovo, October 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Serb Problem
- Serbs are far from Christianity and Holy Gospel. They do not know of love or forgiveness. Their religion is a religion of hatred and revenge. Croats are a pious Catholic nation that only knows how to forgive.
Fr. Anto Bakovic, in Narod, October 2001.
- There has been and always will be Serbs who stubbornly seek Serbia in Nova Gradiska, as Croats from Zagorje say, enough to feed pigs with them! They come, urged forward by some sort of a new nomadic spirit, seeking in other people's territories their pastures and hunting grounds; with some sort of an almost animal instinct, they piss and shit on the territory they want to steal and make their own!
Vladimir Geric, in Hrvatsko Slovo, February 2001.
- We still see an enemy in Serbia. But, America and its rule of the universe are our common enemies, and for Croatia, at this moment, much more acute and important than Greater Serbian claims. At this moment, Croatian nationalists must stifle their justified anger against the Serb aggressor and must see in Serbia their natural ally against a much larger, stronger and fateful enemy, which is today endangering us all.
Mladen Schwartz [leader of the New Croatian Right], in his open letter to Vojislav Kostunica, March 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Ethics
The Catholic Church says that it is impermissible to use any sort of contraception for birth control. Women who were exposed to mass rapes during the war in Bosnia were allowed to use contraceptives, but under one important condition. If they knew or had a premonition that they were going to be raped, they had the obligation, before taking contraceptives, to run, or avoid.
Tonci Matulic, in Glas Koncila [newspaper published by the Catholic Church in Croatia], March 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Military Science
A professional army is an abstraction that has come from the West. There is no school that can teach an individual to die for the homeland.
Ante Zorislav Roso, at a press conference, April 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Ecumenism
- Yes, reconciliation is possible, but only under one condition. That [ancient Roman emperor] Diocletian converts to Christianity. Only under that condition St. Dujam and his infidel persecutor Diocletian can reconcile!
Zoran Vukman, in Globus, April 2001.
- Why wouldn't Luka Prcela hold a mass for the late Leader [Poglavnik Ante Pavelic of WWII Croatian Nazis, Ustashe], if the Pope entered a mosque and visited Russia?
Dr. Milijan Sesar at a meeting of the Split city council, July 2001.
- For example, we are surprised by the protests of the residents of Zamet against the construction of a mosque in that part of the city. How can we advocate freedom of Islam in Christian countries after the horror in Afghanistan?
Fr. Zivko Kustic [Catholic commentator], in Jutarnji List, September, 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Physics
I am small, so it is difficult to turn me upside down, and if someone manages to do that, I immediately get up.
Dorica Nikolic [leading politician from the Croatian Social Liberal Party (HSLS)], in Vecernji List, April 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Professionalism
We wanted, as a wartime government, to take some burden off Croatia, and we gave a lot of wheat to Albania, asking that they send some weapons and initiate at least minimal sabotage attacks in Kosovo. We wanted to destabilize Milosevic. The wheat was delivered, but nothing happened.
Dr. Zdravko Tomac [patriotic SDP politician], in Vjesnik, August, 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Exorcism
As soon as a system wants to accomplish supposedly exalted goals while scorning love for God and patriotism, I smell the antichrist. I have no other criterion for distinguishing between good and evil. It is a big mistake to believe that Holy Gospel encourages cosmopolitism. I dare state that cosmopolitism is a heresy against humanity and God.
Fr. Zivko Kustic, in Vecernji List, April 2001.
Golden Bukalin for Linguistics
One of the arguments that I've read these days within this intense discussion about introduction of bilingualism in Istria, was that 50 percent of population of Istria is bilingual, and speaks both Croatian and Italian. What sort of argument is that? It is not an argument at all!
Zlatko Tomcic [chair of the Croatian Parliament from the Croat Peasant Party (HSS)], in Slobodna Dalmacija, April 2001.
Translated on March 11, 2002
